I'm back back back (Again)

TW/ eating disorders, depression/anxiety & death

I honestly don't know what to say, but I'm back (And hopefully better than ever). Ha, I feel like I say this every year like clockwork.

This may be a long read, but bear with me a lot has happened from January 2020 until now.

Back in January, if someone would've told me that 2020 was going to play out the way that it is, I simply wouldn't believe them. I think that we could all agree that recently we've had more highs than lows over the past couple of months. On the bright side, I graduated from college. Against all the odds and all the obstacles I faced, I made it. Although COVID-19 took away my graduation celebration, I was still able to celebrate with family and Facetime friends. Thank you to those who were rooting for me, and those who were there, in the beginning, to see me through to the end. I put y'all through a lot and I truly appreciate every single one of you.

Out of full transparency, back in February, I dealt with the death of my Uncle which weighed heavily on my mind and soul. A quick note about me: While in college, I did not go home often because of the toxic atmosphere. I chose to have new experiences that not everyone in my family was able to have. One of those people who understood why I didn't come home was my Uncle June. While he was technically my cousin, he was always so much more than that to me. He was like a father to me. Thankfully, I was able to see my Uncle before his passing, however, I always felt a sense of guilt because his health had declined so rapidly after me seeing him and I regretted all the time that I missed with him over the past 5 years. I'm still dealing with the guilt that's built over the past 5 years, however, my Uncle was my #1 fan and couldn't wait to see me for graduation. He didn't make it that far, but I am dedicating everything that happens (the good, the bad, and the ugly) to him and to the person he molded me to be. Then a few weeks later, my family was faced with another untimely death. My older cousin Antonio was killed and it threw me for a loop. Just a few weeks prior we were at my Uncle's funeral talking about how I hadn't been home in a while but there was always going to be love coming from the family. He was talking about going back to school and getting a degree and that was the last conversation we had. I'll miss him forever and always.

So, that was March-May. After graduation, I packed up all my things in Milwaukee and headed back to Madison to finish my lease. Not going to lie, I began to unravel again because of the uncertain times and not being able/comfortable to be with my people (or lack thereof) in Madison. I mostly stayed in my room and slept for the summer. I didn't have a job, nor was I comfortable with working. My stint at the Ticket Office was abruptly ended by the virus and I was not able to finish working in such a great atmosphere. To my people at the Ticket Office, if you're reading, thank you for giving me a set of skills that I will use in my professional life. I was a lot to deal with in the office and at events, however, we always found a way to deal with situations and handle them accordingly. I considered getting back into writing during my downtime because it seemed as though I had nothing but time. But as you know, depression can confuse you to the point that you lose interest in everything. That lack of interest triggered me to start losing considerable amounts of weight that I had gained while quarantining at home. I would go all day without eating because I slept all day, and I would only eat between midnight-2 AM.

My highs of the summer were the quick little getaway trips that I was able to have to see my friends. Over the 4th of July weekend, I was able to spend some time with Kory in Mindoro on the farm. First, it was the first time that I had seen Kory since my birthday back in January. The whole, "I'll only be able to see Kory every 6 months thing," is getting really old and it sucks. Then I ventured down to South Milwaukee and spent the weekend with Natalie and her family. Came for the ribs stayed for the laughs and whiskeys. It's always a good time with the Swansons and I even got some Grammie love. Even though Nat and I lived in the same city for the summer, it was only right that I saw her constantly in the week leading to me moving back to Milwaukee. This leads to me going as Erika's plus one to her cousin's wedding at the end of the summer. I only got to see Erika a few times over the summer so I was very much looking forward to forcing her to spend an entire weekend with me. The wedding was short, sweet, and simple and I was there for the bar. Just kidding, the Stauss' are so much fun and so sweet and it was everything I wanted and more. To end the summer, I was able to venture down to Chicago with Sydney to see Tim. After rescheduling the trip once, we had a small window to go down to see him while restrictions were slightly lifted. It was just like old times and a time I will always remember (or at least try to remember).

That brings me to now. I've finally taken ahold of my life and is trying to go in the right direction. However, there's always going to be speed bumps. My current speed bump is me dealing with my health. I noticed some changes in my health back in May, and it just seemed different. My symptoms were congruent with those of Type II diabetes, so instead of panicking, I enlisted the help of my soon-to-be doctor friend, Griffin (Quick shoutout to Griffin for answering the questions I had and checking in on me during the pandemic- thank you for always being there!). Since then, it has been confirmed that I in fact have been living with Type II diabetes. I noticed a difference back in May but couldn't get into my doctor's office until the end of August which sucked but I completely understand. Once we figured out my diagnosis, I have been trying to stick to better eating habits and exercise regimes so that I can continue to shed some weight. I am hoping to begin to reverse the effects by December. Thankfully, I am just dealing with high blood sugar so I don't have to administer insulin injections and have no complications with my kidneys or my liver. Once a month, I meet with a diabetic specialist who is helping to keep me on track and make sure that my mental well-being is improving.

Also, a quick shout out to Abby who is basically the only friend that I have back home from before college that I still hang out with religiously. We've been through a lot the past 7 years and I am so excited to start my new journey with her in Dallas. Also, Kelley and Ashley, I can't wait to be with y'all again soon and I'm so ready to start living down in Dallas. You can take the girl out of Wisconsin but you can't take the Wisconsin out of the girl.

It has also come to my attention that I didn't mention my bestie bear, Maggie. I spent the better half of the summer with this girl, so she's well worth the mention. We spent a lot of our time at her apartment or driving around the Lake obsessing over the pretty houses. This girl is my ROCK, and I know she'll always be there for me and vice versa.

So, with that being said, I will actually be posting regularly starting with a thing I'd like to call Mythology Mondays. It's something that I picked in Latin during high school. It made learning Latin super interesting while also learning the basics of Classics. Things that I learned in high school are part of the reason that I jumped back into Latin in college and also completed the Classics certificate. Latin/Classics is something that I hold near and dear to my heart, so it's only right that I write about something that I am actually passionate about. Additionally, in the next coming weeks, myself and Maggie are going to be putting out a podcast about me teaching her different Greek/Roman myths with a little plot twist. I'll let you all know the details as soon as we get it sorted out!

Thank you for sticking around and reading about everything that's going on in this crazy thing that we call life!!! Love you all!!

-A